THE-JANN-WENNER-LOVES-FLEETWOOD-MAC EPISODE! Macklemore is a shitty rapper but a decent guy. The Winklevoss Twins are deep into Bitcoin. Should NFL Football continue? Listening to KISS’ “DO YOU LOVE ME?” home alone leads to finding a Johnny Wand (dildo) in your parent’s drawers, then you go outside and use it as Whiffle Ball Bat. NPR constantly talks about bullshit like how to cook your turkey. A TOOTHLESS NEWS OPERATION, FOOLS! The Bees Gees get roasted by UK host. Plus Chris does his best MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS yet!! And THE NEWS from Greg, and much, much more….
THE-BLACK-OAK-ARKANSAS-REVIVAL EPISODE! On Planet X1721 (aka Planet MeatSauce) there are no wires, fools. Wi-Fi is probably the healthiest thing we’ve got going on. John Sullivan, a folk artist from LA, walked off into the New Mexican desert with a vodka bottle never to be seen again. Some hellbent BLACK OAK ARKANSAS fan has pushed the band back into the studio. Jim Dandy was into it, as always. New music from R. Kelly!! How 2 Chainz got his name. And The News plus much, much more….
THE WHITE-DUDES-WHO-PLAY-R&B EPISODE! Robert Palmer was a wine connoisseur who owned a hot air balloon named “Simply Irresistible.” He also considered olives to be a fruit. My mama drank hot sauce and kept a pet gator on a chain. Tony Joe White’s magic music. The CCS gets a key to 12 South from Imogene + Willie. Larry Gatlin and The Gatlin Brother’s No. 1 smash “All the Gold in California.” Internet dating = you’re going to find somebody that’s weird. Hearing Barry Gibb live in Murfreesboro! … AND much, much more!!
IT’S THE HALLOWEEN SHOW. BOO! Michael Myers sounds like a girl when he’s having an orgasm. Mikela Myers – she kills in a tiara using a tennis racket. Figuring out how to make shaving cream shoot a long way. Don’t give your kid a realistic fake gun FOOLS! Springwater Lane doesn’t take that kinda shit. Having a steak stolen off your grill in Connecticut. ODDS BODIKINS. Old Timey Swears. John Denver’s “Love is Everywhere.” Mentally Ill Hobos staff horror houses. Plus Steve and family shop for a washing machine in MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS!! And THE NEWS… plus so much more.
THE-WHAT-TO-DO-IN-FRONT-OF-MONUMENTS-EPISODE! Everyone used to have a vinyl press. Nuns with Super 8 cameras. Chris is breaking into the world of Black comedy. Read all about it in the Nashville Unscene. “BLACK MOON,” the latest black astronaut movie from Hollywood – so the moon is no longer for Whites Only. Often TV actors experience something called “Series Shock.” The Wedding Present’s “Thanks” from Bizarro. Simon Smith’s drumming rules! David Gedge probably holds grudges. A CRAZY CRANK CALL ABOUT FIRE!! Plus another installment of MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS, THE NEWS and much, much more….
THE OUR-PODCAST-IS-INFLUENTIAL EPISODE! People are just now discovering pork. Sending men with waxed mustaches to their death. I want to hear “SHE SMOKES WITH HER FEET” on player piano. Watching Anthrax play live was like watching the Vancouver Canucks play hardcore. Chris thinks America is in decline so its people are losing their minds. The Lumineers, a knock-off Mumford & Sons, selling out three nights in a row in Nashville is not a good sign. There is no modernity happening. The Chinese are coming to take our shit!! They have lots of room, and we have lots of stuff. PLUS the third installment of MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS!! And THE NEWS and much, much more…
THE UNDER-BOOB EPISODE! The new porno culture at Kroger. Creating a duck blind for asses in the cereal aisle. Stealing beer from a grocery store. Wrestling instead of sex. Jonathan Richman Sex Talk. The Poppy Family’s “Which Way You Going Billy?” Charles Manson hooked Terry Jacks up with The Beach Boys. Trendy people are always dicks because they’re hustlers. Acid is a powerful drug. Manson was a 5-foot-tall jive-talker.
THE MECO (MEE-CO) EPISODE! Creating a time warp with disco music to get inside a 1978 club. (The days when Amaretto had just been released). Chris thinks country music fans don’t know how to use computers. Amy Winehouse production is making the rounds. Katy Perry should be flushed down a big toilet. Music from The National! And Introducing … MOMENTS WITH STEVE JOBS … PLUS THE NEWS AND MORE!!
THE WHITE-SUCKA EPISODE! Sucka, isn’t that what Black people call White people? Chris thanks everyone for the successful “THELEMA!” release show at The 5 Spot. “K” in a text from a man seems a little gay. Someone needs to not let DMX go out for food, because he will get arrested. Sheryl Crow doesn’t know the names of the people on her staff! A DEEP CUT from Kenny Loggins, and much, much more!
THE TONY JOE WHITE EPISODE! Channel Nonfiction, Greg’s documentary website, is kicking ass. Make sure your jeans are the right cut, and your slacks. The Black Keys ripped off Tony Joe White and Cozy Powell for sure. Listen to “I WANT YOU.” Learn about how to make yourself GREAT for your woman. And hear about Onion, Chris’ friend from the train yard. Plus much, much more… and stick around for THE NEWS.
THE NICKI MINAJ IS-AN-ANNOYING-TWERKING-SQUARE EPISODE! Picasso started out as a face painter. G-strings are gonna be like Granny Panties in the future. Finding a huge vinyl stash at WRVU = beginning of the WRVU end. The Big Star documentary. Chris Bell’s solo “You and Your Sister,” with Alex Chilton singing backup vocals. Butane Hash Oil information. Bombing the Great Barrier Reef with unarmed weapons. The NEWS and much, much more…
THE GLENNY KRAVITZ EPISODE! The Moose – a male grooming center in Nashville – uses bowling ball wax to service bald people. Fighting off Technology: Like putting a bow tie on an iPad. Rob Zombie is a FUCKING DICK! The bar for genius is about two inches off the ground at this point. Sheri “Gneau Tallent” Zombie. The Trayvon Martin Case discussion. Plus Lil Wayne’s “Rich As Fuck,” the NEWS and much, much more.
FOURTH OF JULY EPISODE! Camel Crush-smoking women are not too good for Chris if there’s a deep emotional connection. Percy Priest Lake is like a bathtub, cooler on the shore than in the water. Chris got run over by a Jet Ski and the guy gave HIM the finger. On shore, fights usually ensue because Chris mistakes tortillas for frisbees. Native Americans invented fireworks. Freddie called Randy a skunk and Randy hit him with a pool cue, and much, much more….
THE BURT REYNOLD’S EPISODE! Mickey Gilley is a hermaphrodite who likes cocaine and big belt buckles. Greg Louganis is the Michael Jackson of diving. Diving groupies make Rock ‘n’ Roll groupies look like nothing. Chris has a conversation with himself. Listen to Burt Reynold’s “The First One That I Lay With” from his 1973 country record “Ask Me What I Am,” and then later a really funny edition of THE NEWS!
The LUMINEER Episode! My bed has got lumineers not bed bugs. The Lumineers climbed over Dr. Dog? I know what they sound like because I’ve seen what they look like. Steve Martin’s Native American Chanting Bit. White girls spittin’ My croquet set is twice as large as your boat cabin. Listen to Wale’s “Let a Nigga Know”
The CMA Episode! Looks like the adult video awards are in Nashville. Pornography is mixed up in everything. Country music is more about physical attributes than music. Hired young studs singing how they don’t need health insurance. Somewhere there’s an MMA fighter eating a tequila worm with Dierks Bentley. John Rich likes glowsticks in his ass.
THE LOVERBOY EPISODE! Chris celebrates Loverboy singer Mike Reno, who likes party weekends. Bungee jumping with blown adrenals. Checking your PO Box for the strap-on you ordered. The nut is called the dinner roll. Mostly because you put butter on your nuts. Quad Americanos from the CCS espresso tank. Leon Redbone inducted Loverboy into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And two tracks from GLADIATOR, Chris and Nick’s The Jesus Lizard cover band, when Duane Denison joined them Saturday at Exit/In.
Exploring Reggae and exploiting Jamaica. “We Bought a Zoo” is a horrible movie. Rich White People being friends with Black people. Can a girl whup off? Drugs, the real innovation of any social scene. My girlfriend is so good at music that she doesn’t even pursue that. Trust funders descend in packs to places where the dudes can get the hottest sex.
Brad Pitt likes Nick Drake. Garage Rock existed because their old-time equipment sucked. The Black Keys played Bridgestone Arena and likely attracted a Dave Matthews crowd. The IKEA Cafe Set for the Blues – includes beard, guitar, booking contacts.
Staying up late watching fatal race car crashes, and Glen Danzig getting knocked out on video. Sex and Death. Tom Cruise is an action hero named Jack Reacher. George Stephanopoulos is a dick and an obnoxious pug. “Boys Do Fall in Love” by Robin Gibb. “Baby Knows I Like to Be Excited.” Bee Gees were not from this planet, they were from Planet Zorph, the pop planet and came here on a Simon game wearing medallions. The Elites escaping Earth to live a privileged life in Space Moon colony and leave Stephen Hawking behind. Chris is a coffee shop whore now that he doesn’t drink. Plus DON’T MISS our analysis of “Longfellow Serenade” by Neil Diamond, and Chris’ attack on Eric Clapton’s guitar skills.
French Disco Music of Marc Cerrone. Women and Men are not two warring factions. Difference between ovaries and testicles. Gangs running after them with Uzis yelling Boo-yah! That’s all a dong is. The Love Boat. Spring in Tennessee – the hens are exfoliating, the creeks are bulging, the leaves are budding. PUBLIC ENEMY’s “Time Bomb” and MONSTER MAGNET’s “Twin Earth.” Plus Jim Morrison’s “Fat is Beautiful” interview and THE NEWS…
Inside the Chris Crofton Building Biodome. Nando Jones the Mexican boomerang thrower. Making Fresh Pasta Topless. Trouble with the bee hives. Sustainability. I can sustain it all night long. Smoking in the Mosque. Muslims sure are high strung with their Mosques. Sex position called the “Secret Bee Attack.” “The Stinger” – when you drop a piano on your girlfriend. Being careful about Benito Mussolini jokes. Drinking olive oil with Mussolini. “Look at my Sausige!” Geto Boys “I Ain’t With Being Broke.” A report from Chris about SXSW. Plus THE NEWS with Greg… and much more comedy and music.
Never leave your petting zoo alone for two years. Is that The Soup Dragons? Turn it off. We need a Black Keys railroad in Nashville. I think Brooks & Dunn tried it. Hat makers are Milliners. No time but war time to get picky about your cheese. Is “psilocybin mushrooms” redundant? Robyn Hitchcock had sex with two of Chris’ ladies. Gorilla Biscuits. Pot Jolly Ranchers. If Chris smokes pot, he stops, stills stock still and monitors his heart beat. KICKSTARTER SUCCESS! Thank you! Listen to “STREET DOG” from “THELEMA!,” another new track from the Chris Crofton Band record. But first an episode of “AS NASHVILLE TURNS…”
THE SAINT PATRICK’S DAY EPISODE. Leprechaun 6? I still like to keep in my mind that Leprechauns are nice. I don’t want to see “Gandhi Part 3″ either. East Nashville Motherfuckers look like Leprechauns. The Potato Famine. The Nick Cave concert at the Ryman Auditorium was mind-blowingly great. Listen to Cave’s gangster rap version of “Stagger Lee.” Nick Cave and PJ Harvey were an Item for awhile. Explosive sex? Probably not. “Nicholas, the heroin really took you down last night.” “What? What? What happened? ….Did we write any good poetry?” Chris Crofton and the Alcohol Stuntband Kickstarter update for their new record “THELEMA!” Chuck Meade from BR549 says the arrival of coffee on the wide in Europe resulted in the Reniassance. Leonardo Da Vinci on coffee: “Why can’t the mountains fly?” Raphael discusses art with Da Vinci. Da Vinci used a squirting clock to keep his assistants on their toes and working. Episode 3 of “AS NASHVILLE TURNS…” Music from Bill Withers. Plus THE NEWS! And we close the show with the great new Strokes’ single “All The Time.”