Case of The Missing Desk Bell. Chris, Rick and Preston are joined by Megan Rice at the sprawling Crofton Compound in the hills of Hollywood. What’s new in New Canaan? Well, find out. Christa and Marty also drop by to share more of their sexual misadventures.
You got to find out what happens after we’ve had a week off fools! Charlie Manson, The Bee Gees and a long list of sex positions walk into a bar. Also some ruffians show up with a jar of human poo!
RIP ROWDY RODDY PIPER! This episode was recorded on August 1st, just two days after the passing of one of wrestling’s all time greats, Roddy Piper. Chris and Rick are joined by Preston Blaine. They go over some classic Roddy clips and Chris explains the plots to Die Hard and Top Gun.
Have you heard the one about the Craigslist prostitute that blew a serial killer’s head off with his own gun? No!? Well you gotta find out, FOOLS! This episode has that story and so much more. Chris gives some more of his hilariously accurate movie synopses while Rick researches YouTube comments for their racist content.
JOHNNY PAYCHECK FOOLS! Today Chris and Rick get into it over some good ol’ Johnny Paycheck. Things are bustling here at the Crofton Lot in Hollywood California and there’s a lot to be said. Also another lost episode of Art Bell Coast to Coast is dredged up from the vault.
Desert fried dome of a bald man! This episode is a hot one recorded in a big metal trailer out in Joshua Tree. If you don’t know what Joshua Tree is it’s the place where the aliens picked up Gram Parsons, not just a U2 album. On this episode Preston Blaine of stand-up comedy joins us and we talk about Chris’ days at a busy NYC Starbucks, his poor recollection of movies and uncanny ability to describe actors! Also some paranormal heebie-jeebies!
This week Chris and Rick talk Greece over Grease and delve into the intricacies of global banking, Tom Selleck’s water thievery, the great escape of El Chapo, Milk Shitting?, mysterious beach explosions in Rhode Island and a hot new single from our friends Run The Jewels. Plus the Advice King spills the beans about Stand-Up Comedy.
LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA! The Chris Crofton Show Episode 164 now with 100% more Rick Wood! Broadcasting from a sprawling lot in sunny L.A. Turquoise, 4th of July, The Illuminati and more subjects are tackled in the conversation pit.
THE CB-ON-YOUR-BELT EPISODE! Joe Bain Colvert rejoins the show for what may be the last one before Chris leaves for Los Angeles!! Holy Shit! Yakov is a standard name for a Russian, like John in the U.S. of A. Making omelettes the size of your kitchen. Feeling your tweetbone on coffee. Find out how Charlie Rich destroyed his career with a cigarette lighter. Plus THE NEWS and much, much more…..
Don Henley says the Eagles got back together so his kids can travel, Kim Kardashian’s ass is maintained by Swiss craftsmen and has wood in it, sometimes bees go after the honey gatherer no matter how much smoke there is, Art Garfunkel talks about his “chops” and his “sounds.” With special guest David Crofton! EPISODE 162, FOOLS!!!!! It’s really good.
THE PUMAS-ON-FUCKING-CHAINS EPISODE! Chris dissects HEAVEN a metal-rock band out of Australia that clearly influenced Axl Rose. Greg questions the rise of Yuppies and how it relates to gentrification, and recounts his visit to the Nashville Zoo. A 45 Grab Bag lands on Crowded House’s “You Better Be Home Soon.” Plus THE NEWS and much, much more.
Like a cock out of pair of jeans, it’s THE LOU-GRAMMATICO EPISODE! Lou Gramm, once the frontman of Foreigner, plays a threatening cowbell and requires a stage box fan during business meetings. Mick Jones rejected Gramm’s first band name for Foreigner, “MEAT TRIGGER.” Gramm uses a speed bag to kill time when a woman decides to have sex with him. Plus legendary concert promoter Bill Graham deals with a “Fuck You” from Boz Scaggs, and another edition of THE NEWS!!!!
THE JOHN-TRAVOLTA EPISODE! Travolta uses his “Welcome Back, Kotter” power to record the double album “Travolta Fever” in 1978. It reached #161 on the Billboard charts. When he’s not singing, he flies Mexican construction workers to Barbados on his jet. On a movie set he also has some sex habits: “You know how John is, you’re gonna end up with John’s parts on you. But you’re gonna make $1,500 a day.” Plus “Love is Like Oxygen” by the Sweet, THE NEWS and much, much more!
THE-DISCO-MONEY EPISODE! Tony Joe White goes for the disco money on his record “Eyes.” Muscato is a sweet wine, so is lambrusco, which is nice in a carafe. Back in the days when a salad bar with chilled plates would get you laid. Billy Squier eliminated his entire male fan base with the “Rock Me Tonite” video. It was his dancing and pink tank top. It’s a quite a leap from greasy alligators to bourgeoisie bimbos. Plus THE NEWS from Greg, and much, much more….
Twitter account @thecroftonshow is where it’s at! U.S. Rep. (R-Wis.) Paul Ryan does not know what the fuck he’s talking about. He would make a better football coach. The fallout from Reagan’s America is today in America. Crazy people (many Republicans) can’t admit when they are wrong. Frank Luntz, is a political wordsmith, and the anti-Christ. Tom Fogerty’s music and the snobbery of John Fogerty. Plus THE NEWS from Greg, and much, much more!!!
Find out about Putin’s stylish invasion of Crimea with the help of Henry Kissinger and Lindsey Graham. And the heavy rhythm aspect of TITANIC, a 1970s band from Norway. Japan had HDTV in 1991, and got email in 1975. Cerrone looks for a high-end townhouse in Nashville, and has a fancy door bell. A new episode of AS NASHVILLE TURNS with Larry and Sylvia. Plus stick around for THE NEWS!
The road to Cal Jam. Find out where Stevie Nicks liked cocaine to be blown. And how Bob Welch joined Fleetwood Mac, then quit the band to put out solo records like “French Kiss,” and “The Other One.” Progressive cocaine addiction and exploring reggae. Steven Adler free-based for three days with Welch at his mansion in the Hollywood Hills in the 80s. Chris deflates East Nashville myths. Sound Effects. The big, big beard is the leisure suit of 2014. The field hollers of Delta Rae. A Maria Bamford live comedy review by Chris. Plus stick around for THE NEWS with Greg.
“Daughter” by Bread! One of David Gates’ man-splaining hits. Playing in Chuck Berry’s backing band is not usually fun, as seen in the documentary “Hail Hail Rock ‘n’ Roll.” “Baby the Rain Must Fall” by Glenn Yarbrough, arranged by David Gates. The history of garage door openers, THE NEWS with Greg, and much, much more!!
Forced indoors by relentless sunshine, Chris bought a vintage La Fiesta mixing board in Mexico. Now The Chris Crofton Show gets to use it … Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead in NYC apartment, the people on Twitter about it aren’t really sad. Bono is a media dictator. Steven Tyler sucks too. You’re liable to be a danger to others if you have fake hair attached to your head. Plus two songs from Graham Nash’s “Songs For Beginners” – a wonderful album!! THE NEWS and much, much more….
THE-JANN-WENNER-LOVES-FLEETWOOD-MAC EPISODE! Macklemore is a shitty rapper but a decent guy. The Winklevoss Twins are deep into Bitcoin. Should NFL Football continue? Listening to KISS’ “DO YOU LOVE ME?” home alone leads to finding a Johnny Wand (dildo) in your parent’s drawers, then you go outside and use it as Whiffle Ball Bat. NPR constantly talks about bullshit like how to cook your turkey. A TOOTHLESS NEWS OPERATION, FOOLS! The Bees Gees get roasted by UK host. Plus Chris does his best MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS yet!! And THE NEWS from Greg, and much, much more….
THE-BLACK-OAK-ARKANSAS-REVIVAL EPISODE! On Planet X1721 (aka Planet MeatSauce) there are no wires, fools. Wi-Fi is probably the healthiest thing we’ve got going on. John Sullivan, a folk artist from LA, walked off into the New Mexican desert with a vodka bottle never to be seen again. Some hellbent BLACK OAK ARKANSAS fan has pushed the band back into the studio. Jim Dandy was into it, as always. New music from R. Kelly!! How 2 Chainz got his name. And The News plus much, much more….
THE WHITE-DUDES-WHO-PLAY-R&B EPISODE! Robert Palmer was a wine connoisseur who owned a hot air balloon named “Simply Irresistible.” He also considered olives to be a fruit. My mama drank hot sauce and kept a pet gator on a chain. Tony Joe White’s magic music. The CCS gets a key to 12 South from Imogene + Willie. Larry Gatlin and The Gatlin Brother’s No. 1 smash “All the Gold in California.” Internet dating = you’re going to find somebody that’s weird. Hearing Barry Gibb live in Murfreesboro! … AND much, much more!!
IT’S THE HALLOWEEN SHOW. BOO! Michael Myers sounds like a girl when he’s having an orgasm. Mikela Myers – she kills in a tiara using a tennis racket. Figuring out how to make shaving cream shoot a long way. Don’t give your kid a realistic fake gun FOOLS! Springwater Lane doesn’t take that kinda shit. Having a steak stolen off your grill in Connecticut. ODDS BODIKINS. Old Timey Swears. John Denver’s “Love is Everywhere.” Mentally Ill Hobos staff horror houses. Plus Steve and family shop for a washing machine in MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS!! And THE NEWS… plus so much more.
THE-WHAT-TO-DO-IN-FRONT-OF-MONUMENTS-EPISODE! Everyone used to have a vinyl press. Nuns with Super 8 cameras. Chris is breaking into the world of Black comedy. Read all about it in the Nashville Unscene. “BLACK MOON,” the latest black astronaut movie from Hollywood – so the moon is no longer for Whites Only. Often TV actors experience something called “Series Shock.” The Wedding Present’s “Thanks” from Bizarro. Simon Smith’s drumming rules! David Gedge probably holds grudges. A CRAZY CRANK CALL ABOUT FIRE!! Plus another installment of MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS, THE NEWS and much, much more….
THE OUR-PODCAST-IS-INFLUENTIAL EPISODE! People are just now discovering pork. Sending men with waxed mustaches to their death. I want to hear “SHE SMOKES WITH HER FEET” on player piano. Watching Anthrax play live was like watching the Vancouver Canucks play hardcore. Chris thinks America is in decline so its people are losing their minds. The Lumineers, a knock-off Mumford & Sons, selling out three nights in a row in Nashville is not a good sign. There is no modernity happening. The Chinese are coming to take our shit!! They have lots of room, and we have lots of stuff. PLUS the third installment of MOMENTS WITH STEVE JO(A)BS!! And THE NEWS and much, much more…